I have survived another Christmas. No major blow ups, got some pretty good gifts, didn't have to see my sister's boyfriend or too much of my sister-in-law's mother...that's all I can ask for. There was the minor matter of the fact that my sister in law was supposed to do Christmas dinner and she APPARENTLY FORGOT TO MAKE IT. We recycled leftovers from brunch - of which there were plenty - so I guess it wasn't that big of a deal, but if she didn't want to cook, I wouldn't have minded making the big formal meal like I have for pretty much every major family holiday for the past 15 years.
So, what have I been up to the past few days....
As you know, Gentle Reader, I went to the DMV and the Mall on Saturday. It wasn't nearly as bad as I might have feared. I'm no economist, but I know how to read a mall crowd and I'm thinking that the economy is a lot worse than I have previously thought. Then I went to see National Treasure with the folks at the local movie house. Three adult admissions, a large popcorn with extra butter, a box of Junior mints and a large pop....$20. God bless small town America.
On Sunday the folks and I met up with my brother's family and did all the Christmas stuff in downtown Cincy. There's not a lot to do anymore, really. Cincinnati is a case study in dead downtowns. But no one got shot, which is always a possibility nowadays in the 'nati, so at least there was that. Then Sunday night my parents and I went to the Festival of Lights at the Zoo and I proved myself to be a dutiful daughter by allowing my father to take a picture of me with some grabby guy in a walrus costume even though deep down people in animal costumes freak me out. Always have, even before I saw that "furries" episode of CSI.
Monday we set up the tree, cleaned the house and wrapped gifts. I think karma rewarded me (possibly because of the walrus picture) but putting almost all of my favorite movies on TV Monday night. Christmas was divided between my parents house and my brother's house (which is a mile from my parents.) We did brunch at the parents and opened the gifts that my parents, sister and myself brought. My 18 month old niece has developed the charming habit of slapping someone in the face, laughing and then running away. The first time she did it to me, I looked at my sister and said, "Did I just get bitch slapped by a toddler?" It was like a Dave Chappelle sketch.
After round one of presents, everyone went back to their respective houses for nap time (AND PRESUMABLY DINNER COOKING) and then we met up at my brother's for BRUNCH LEFTOVERS and the presents my brothers family had gotten everyone. There we discovered that Santa Claus didn't bring my six year old nephew a single thing that didn't make some sort of annoying noise. What kind of freak buys a six year old a drum kit? My brother, that's who. The whole day went from about 12pm to 9pm, and I was exhausted by the end, even though I didn't do too much of everything. I think it was the exertion of waiting for something to go wrong.
Today was spent running errands and buying last minute supplies for my trip to Michigan tomorrow. I ran into an old high school classmate at Wal-mart and she unloaded more town gossip on me than I could absorb. I seriously considered asking her to go with me to the stationary aisle so that I could get a pen and write it down. It was sorta awesome and again, only something that you get in a town of a 1000 people, most of which not only lived there their entire lives, but their ancestors have been there since the early 1800s.
My hometown's gene pool? Doesn't have a deep end.
So, that's what I've been up to. Not very entertaining, I admit. (Not helping matters is that I've been running ragged today and I am whooped!) I am feeling a whole heck of a lot better emotionally, possibly because I've caught up on the sleep that I'd been missing out on the week or so before I came home. Also, I'm going to Michigan tomorrow. Fuckin' A, I love that state. I swear, if I ever win the lottery, I'm buying a little plot of land in the U.P. and withdrawing from society. Finally, for all of my worrying that I'll be forgotten about people, I have to admit that part of this fear is because I find that I can easily forget (some - certainly not all) people and favorite things. Go off of my radar for a week or so and I'll find something to fill the whole in my heart that it used to fill.
I'll be back online 1/3/08. Happy New Year!!!
Dudes, I went to the DMV and THE MALL today. What the hell was I thinking? Oh, yeah...I wasn't thinking, I was just along for the ride.
On the bright side, I got a Zune, a new cell phone and saw the new National Treasure movie.
So I think we'll call today a draw.
Holy cow, y'all, I forgot to mention....tonight is the Winter Solstice! Shortest day of the year! And a chance for a fresh start a new beginning! (Which y'all know I love.) Be sure to pay attention to your dreams tonight because it's supposed to be one of the best opportunities for telling the future.
I know I shouldn't believe all of this silly stuff, but I totally do. Astrology, Tarot cards, Ghosts, ESP...fucking bring it on. I'm sort of like this recent Toothpaste for Dinner Cartoon.
Don't you love it when you finally figure out what it is that has been going on in your subconscious that's been making you act like a total prat the past few days? No? Just me then?
*sigh*
So, I have been acting like a total prat the past few days. To the casual observer it may not seem like I was acting like the traditional definition of prat, but trust me, I was. But just to myself. I was still Little Miss Sunshine to everyone else. At least I think I was....
It wasn't really a surprise. I always seem to get a little case of the holiday blues. I just hate Christmas, but it's more than that. I think it's worse this year because it's been slowly building since I got sick last week. The past three days have been almost unbearable. I have been acting completely irrationally and wrestling with insecurity and fighting insomnia and then having really messed up dreams once I finally do fall asleep. These symptoms all feed each other and it's pretty much all one big cycle of crap-ness.
On my drive to the farm this afternoon, I had a bit of a lightbulb moment and figured out at least one of the reasons why this happens and why it's worse this year. Short answer? I'm scared people will forget about me. Like I mentioned in my post last week about my bout with food poisoning, I was sick a lot as a kid and had to miss a lot of school. It always seemed that when I came back to school, a whole bunch of interesting stuff had happened and people pretty much got along fine without me. So now whenever I'm sick and out of commission, I sort of freak out that my friends and co-workers will forget about me and realize that they don't need me in their life.
The Christmas season is similar to a sick-out in that there's a forced separation from one's social circle. Back in the old days it was because school was out of session and everyone went home. But these crazy modern, technologically enhanced times don't really have it any better. All week I've been seeing my friends, co-workers and random strangers leave messages on their blogs, MySpaces and Facebooks that say that they're going on holiday leave and will be back in January. And each time I saw a message like that, I would feel my anxiety and insecurity rise just a little. By Wednesday night I was in a total state and was manically google stalking people and re-reading everyone's blog. It was a little sad.
I still hate Christmas and I'm still feeling crazy and I have just about convinced myself that most people who have ever met me dislike me intensely.
(Like, seriously, I am pretty sure Silent Bob hates my guts right now. There's this teeny-tiny voice in the back of my head telling me that I'm being stupid, but I don't believe it. And why you may ask? Because he's visiting his family in Missouri right now and said, quite understandably to a rational person, that he won't be on the Internet much. So I told him that after we finished our last scrabble game, if he wanted to wait until he was back in California to start a new one, that would be fine with me. So our game finished last night AND HE DIDN'T START A NEW GAME WITH ME. And even though I said that it would be fine, I have somehow taken his lack of starting a game as evidence that he's been looking for an excuse to stop playing scrabble with me EVEN THOUGH WE'VE BEEN PLAYING CONTINUOUSLY SINCE AUGUST 1 and HE STARTS AT LEAST HALF THE GAMES. Also, I poked him and HE DIDN'T POKE ME BACK. CLEARLY HE HATES MY GUTS!!!!! OH MY GOD, WHY AM I SO FUCKING CRAZY?!??!?!)
I don't expect that these feelings will go away until January and I'm back in my usual routine. However, at least I know part of the reason why I'm feeling this way. I think I'm going to pop some sleeping pills tonight and try to get at least 8 hours of sleep. That might help with some of the crazy.
OH HAI!!!!!
I apparently haven't blogged for six days. Huh. Wonder how that's happened? I haven't been too terribly busy at work. I've been pretty healthy since last week's food poisoning episode. Neither really happy or sad. I guess when there's nothing to write about, I don't write.
The lovely and vivacious Susan M. came to visit me this weekend. It was a lot of fun. I'm generally a smiley type person and have a humorous slant to my worldview, but man oh man....she cracks my shit up. But I shall say no more because she really hates blogs and blogging and thus it just wouldn't seem right to blog about the weekend. But it was fun.
I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done. The only thing I have to get is my mom's birthday gift, and I know what that's going to be (a spa gift certificate), so no problemo. I think this is the earliest that I've gotten it done. AND I did it all online so I didn't have to set foot in a single store. Yay!
As I am relatively flush with cash (for a librarian with 6 figures of student loan debt, that is), I splurged a little on everyone's gifts. That felt kinda nice, although I really am not big on giving gifts or receiving them, so I don't really know where those feelings are coming from. I also got myself some goodies. I think I might get myself some more. For some reason I really want a camcorder now. In addition to an MP3 player, a trumpet (?!), and a whole bunch of other stuff that I found myself ogling on Amazon yesterday.
Okay, this is starting to bore me. I can't imagine what it must be like for you to read it, Gentle Reader. I think I'm going to go to bed. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a few days and I'm exhausted.
Holy crap, y'all, I have been S-I-C-K!!!
(If you don't like hearing about bodily functions, then this entry is not for you.)
I spent the weekend at the farm baking cookies. Sunday night I came home, felt fine enough to post pictures of my tits on the Internet. Around 9:30 I felt a little queasy and decided to go to bed early. I started vomiting around midnight and pretty much didn't stop until 7am.
I just...can't get over it. I have never barfed that much in my life. I mean, number of times and volume. I started bringing up bile and then that was even gone. My stomach kept lurching, though, like it was going bring up anything it could as soon as it hit the stomach. It was kinda amazing. And scary. At around 4:30am I began to wonder if there was something seriously, seriously wrong and if was going to die. I probably should have gone to the hospital, but I couldn't get it together enough to call anyone in town to take me.
Yesterday I stayed in bed and on the couch all day, tried to drink water and tea and cursed the fact that I didn't have jello, gatorade or applesauce in the house. Today I'm home again. Felt okay enough to go to the grocery store and get the above supplies, but still feel like crap. However, I'm 100% better than yesterday, so yay. My stomach still really hurts, though. Like, physical pain hurts.
I really hate being sick. Half my childhood was spent home from school and I'm always convinced that the world is passing me by. And now I'm beginning the wait to see if this latest viral infection will send my ITP out of whack. I have a big bruise on my right forearm, but that may be from leaning on the toilet Sunday night.
In other news, I think I'm finally getting excited about the presidential election. I've decided to hop from the Edwards camp to Obama. I just find that I'm liking what he says more and more. I also hope the GOP nominates Huckabee. It would make for an interesting race.
Guess what came in the mail? My Natalie Dee t-shirt!
Also pictured: my awesome rack.
Mark your calendars, kids....December 9, 2007 - The day tortuga started posted pictures of her tits on the Internet. It's all down hill from here, I'm afraid.
ETA: I'm so very, very tempted to change my FB status message to "tortuga is posting pictures of her tits on the Internet", but that probably wouldn't fly at work.
You know those bumper stickers that say, "I wish I was the person my dog thinks I am"? I'm sort of like that, except mine would say, "I wish I had the life my parents and landlord think I do."
As we've previously discussed, my sister told me a few weeks ago that my mom thinks that I have a boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Not really sure and when it comes to my love life, my parents have adopted a strict "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. Anyhoo, this belief became abundantly clear over Thanksgiving. I, of course, did not help matters because I kept slipping into the royal "we" when discussing my life and adventures here.
So, earlier this week I got up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, as one does one they get past the age of 27. When I hopped back into bed, the strut that holds up the boards that hold up the mattress broke. Down I went. I ended up disassembling my bed and putting the box spring on the ground. It makes my bedroom look like a frat boy lives there (especially since I had to take all the crap that I stored under my bed and stow it around the bedroom), but it works and it's not like I entertain guests in my bedroom, so I'm not complaining.
BUT THEN I realized that I was going to have to tell my parents that I broke my bed. Like, I'm a grown ass woman and if I break my bed because I had a marathon hot monkey sex session, well, by God, that's nothing to be ashamed about. And the fact that it broke because it was an old bed that probably didn't handle the recent move well? Doubly not shameful.
But I still waited a day and a half to tell my parents.
As I feared, they suspect the former reason for the bed breaking and not the latter. I think they're almost hoping that it's the former. I almost hate to tell them that an exciting evening in the tortuga household involves a pot of tea and a book or movie.
Coincidentally, the day after the bed breaking, I ran into my landlord while walking home. We stopped and chatted and I apologized if I woke her up the night before. She said she didn't hear anything and once again encouraged me to be louder. She said my friends and I should crank up the music and dance around. Which would be a spendid idea if (a) I like listening to loud music and (b) I had any friends within an hour drive.
I've been feeling kinda broody and lonely lately. The constant reminders of my lonely state from parents and landlord are not helping matters. And ironically, all I want to do is curl up on my couch and not talk to anyone.
Pirates + Cat Macro = Peanut Butter Cups!
I think in graphs. My former co-worker at the job from Hell used to make fun of me because I always tried to explain things in Venn diagram form. Well, check it, yo...I'm not the only person who does this.
That totally just got bookmarked.
