oh, hello

Hello Gentle Reader.  Sorry if I have been ignoring you. 

First of all, I'm just going to come out and say it: I'm depressed.  I think I'm been in denial about this for about the past week, but yesterday I realized that I just need to accept it.  See, there's nothing wrong with my life ...except for a little brain biochemical imbalance.  So this happens from time to time.  Right now it's no more annoying than, say, a bad back.  However, it can (and has in the past) get pretty bad.  I think I'm over the hump now of this episode and I just need to wait it out.  And before you suggest it, yes, I could go on the drugs, but I find the 5-10% of my life that I'm like this is more tolerable than being an emotionaless zombie 100% of the time. (Not to mention all of the other side effects.)  Still, I may pick up some St. John's Wort tomorrow, which I have had good success with in the past without any side effects.  Honestly, I haven't had a prolonged mild episode in a while (as opposed to the short term "depths of despair" of which I've had a few in the past year) and I'm sort of trying to remember how to deal. 

Secondly, the road trip was good.  My sister and I get along really well - she's one of the few people that can really make me laugh.  I mean, I'm usually in good cheer (present time excepted) but she can say stuff that tickles my funny bone like few people can.  It's also nice to talk to another professional woman about stuff.  She has a PhD and although she's not in academe like I am, she understands the hustle.  On the other hand, she's sort of like a "scared straight" program for me.   In many ways, she's what I don't want to turn into. 

I can safely scratch Buffalo, NY off of my "places I could live" list.  I could not live in Buffalo.  It is quite possibly the most depressing city I have ever seen.  And, let's not forget, I have visited NOLA post-Katrina.   There were factories belching smoke everywhere.  The air was so dirty that it rained and the car was dirtier afterwards.  Yes, the falls were beautiful.  And Toronto is two hours away.  But, you know what?  Live in Toronto if you want that.

Speaking of the falls, I couldn't help noticing suicide prevention help phones around the American Falls park.   I had to just look at my sister and say, "I'm coming off of a major depressive episode and you took me to a popular suicide spot for a vacation?  What the Hell is wrong with you?"  And we laughed.  But, seriously, the hell?  It occurred to me that they had those phones at the Golden Gate Bridge too.  I think I have a new vacation theme!  And, of course, wikipedia has a list of popular suicide spots.  Hmmm...I'm thinking Beachy Head, maybe?

Okay...this has just about taxed my energy.  I'm going to do my dishes and listen to the news.  When I cannot handle the sound of Chris Matthews voice one second longer, I've got books.  I'm starting the Dresden Files books tonight (fortunately my boss understands about needing escapism literature) and I have high hopes.  OH, that reminds me....for you Twilight and The Tudors fans, apparently Stephanie Meyer wanted Henry Cavill to play Edward but he aged out of the role.  That would have been awesome because Henry Cavill is quite possibly the best looking guy on TV right now, IMHO.