the tortuga papers

I admit, I know next to nothing about the political situation in Myanmar.  Or even why some people call it Burma.  I couldn't point it out on a map.  But clearly that all  needs to change because I need to figure out why the government has been so difficult about getting aid to the hurricane victims, culminating in it seizing a shipment from the UN and effectively ending the UN assistance. 

I've been ignoring the presidential campaign as much as possible recently because I just get too worked up about it.  However, I just have to share this latest Salon article about the Clintons and how some of her recent comments harken back to the old days of the Democratic party, and by that I mean George Wallace era Democratic Party.  Check it, yo.

I mean, destroy your reputation if you want to, Clintons, with your veiled references to Jesse Jackson and refusing to clarify whether or not Obama is a Muslim (although, if he were, WHO CARES) and keep giving McCain all the ammunition he needs to defeat Obama (WHO IS GOING TO BE THE NOMINEE SO JUST ACCEPT IT ALREADY), but damn...don't go dragging the party down with you.

In other news, the happy pills have kicked in.  I am now comfortably numb instead of depressed. Hopefully cheery is not too far behind.

Hello Gentle Reader.  Sorry if I have been ignoring you. 

First of all, I'm just going to come out and say it: I'm depressed.  I think I'm been in denial about this for about the past week, but yesterday I realized that I just need to accept it.  See, there's nothing wrong with my life ...except for a little brain biochemical imbalance.  So this happens from time to time.  Right now it's no more annoying than, say, a bad back.  However, it can (and has in the past) get pretty bad.  I think I'm over the hump now of this episode and I just need to wait it out.  And before you suggest it, yes, I could go on the drugs, but I find the 5-10% of my life that I'm like this is more tolerable than being an emotionaless zombie 100% of the time. (Not to mention all of the other side effects.)  Still, I may pick up some St. John's Wort tomorrow, which I have had good success with in the past without any side effects.  Honestly, I haven't had a prolonged mild episode in a while (as opposed to the short term "depths of despair" of which I've had a few in the past year) and I'm sort of trying to remember how to deal. 

Secondly, the road trip was good.  My sister and I get along really well - she's one of the few people that can really make me laugh.  I mean, I'm usually in good cheer (present time excepted) but she can say stuff that tickles my funny bone like few people can.  It's also nice to talk to another professional woman about stuff.  She has a PhD and although she's not in academe like I am, she understands the hustle.  On the other hand, she's sort of like a "scared straight" program for me.   In many ways, she's what I don't want to turn into. 

I can safely scratch Buffalo, NY off of my "places I could live" list.  I could not live in Buffalo.  It is quite possibly the most depressing city I have ever seen.  And, let's not forget, I have visited NOLA post-Katrina.   There were factories belching smoke everywhere.  The air was so dirty that it rained and the car was dirtier afterwards.  Yes, the falls were beautiful.  And Toronto is two hours away.  But, you know what?  Live in Toronto if you want that.

Speaking of the falls, I couldn't help noticing suicide prevention help phones around the American Falls park.   I had to just look at my sister and say, "I'm coming off of a major depressive episode and you took me to a popular suicide spot for a vacation?  What the Hell is wrong with you?"  And we laughed.  But, seriously, the hell?  It occurred to me that they had those phones at the Golden Gate Bridge too.  I think I have a new vacation theme!  And, of course, wikipedia has a list of popular suicide spots.  Hmmm...I'm thinking Beachy Head, maybe?

Okay...this has just about taxed my energy.  I'm going to do my dishes and listen to the news.  When I cannot handle the sound of Chris Matthews voice one second longer, I've got books.  I'm starting the Dresden Files books tonight (fortunately my boss understands about needing escapism literature) and I have high hopes.  OH, that reminds me....for you Twilight and The Tudors fans, apparently Stephanie Meyer wanted Henry Cavill to play Edward but he aged out of the role.  That would have been awesome because Henry Cavill is quite possibly the best looking guy on TV right now, IMHO.

I'll be back Sunday, hopefully with lots of fun pictures to share.  Be good. 

tortuga is...

unable to come up with a status message that doesn't either (a) passive-aggressively call one of you bitches out on your increasingly cuntish behavior as of late or (b) make her sound like a drama queen and put up some sort of woe-is-me message and has thus decided to act like an adult and just leave the damn thing blank until she can come up with something amusing or light-hearted OR until Friday when she'll put up her road trip message.

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I hate that I have had to friends some of my enemies for political reasons on Facebook.  (And no, if you're reading this, you're not one of them.  Besides, I would passive-aggressively call you out on your increasingly cuntish behavior here, not Facebook to make sure that the message was well and truly received.  Because I care.)  I've been trying to get my balance back by thinking through the Four Noble Truths but Facebook (as well as the Internet in general) are not compatible with nirodha.  So many people and things that I want but cannot have!  It sucks. Or just when I get almost detached, someone does something really cuntish and I get all annoyed and worked up again.  Being away from the Internet this weekend should help me get detached enough so that I'll stop feeling like a walking jangle of exposed nerve endings. I hope.  I need to get this under control or I am gonna have to smack a bitch pimp style before the summer is up.

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Word of the day?  Cuntish.  But you probably figured that out, Gentle Reader.  You're smart like that.

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On a somewhat related note, I was cruising around Second Life yesterday, and I ran into a more experienced workshop member who proceeded to act like a know-it-all bitch.  I hate know-it-all bitches!  So why do they keep finding me?  Just because I'm polite doesn't mean that I'm an idiot.  I can only hold my tongue for so much longer.

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On a completely unrelated note, I switched from Cinemax (which came as a free trial with my cable) and got Showtime.  The Tudors?  Complete crap but I love it!  I mean, there are so many things wrong with it - casting, acting, historical accuracy...but dammit if I'm not watching every week.   It's the television equivalent of a Phillipa Gregory novel.

So, I just downloaded Dexy's Midnight Runners, Puff Daddy and Neal Diamond from the Zune marketplace.  I'm not sure what this says about me. 

I think I may have to get a Zune car adapter before the big roadtrip on Friday.

I was checking out the CNN webpage, as I am wont to do on a Lazy Saturday, and I noticed a weird little t-shirt symbol next some of the headlines.  Check it, yo.  I'll wait.  

Are you back?  Okay.  Well, as it turns out, you can buy official CNN t-shirts with headlines on them.   Example. They seem to be limiting with headlines you can get, an editorial act which I can't decide makes this better or worse.  The example I picked is sort of funny, but the other current options are just...well, stupid.   Huh.  I guess times are tough all over, and everyone's looking to make a buck anyway they can.

I don't hate men.  I love men.  LOVE THEM.  Many of my nearest and dearest of are the male persuasion.  THAT BEING SAID....

Sometimes, when I'm in a crap mood like I've been in for the past few days and sort of gloomy about the fact that men don't ever seem to be attracted to me and prefer to think of me as some sort of asexual muppet friend that they can talk sports and women with, well.... I find that I get a certain pleasure out of thinking bad things about males.  Nothing permanent, just taking a slight vacation from my usual stance as a lover of all things men.

Imagine my delight (my evil, wrong, prejudiced delight) in finding that Jezebel has a regular feature called, "Crap email from a dude."   You know, I gots problems, but at least I've never encountered this level of ass-hole-ish behavior.  Read.  Enjoy.  Ponder your good fortune.

Hello laughing at silly pictures on the Internet all afternoon.